RANT.

Dear Tori,

I can feel it. This month is winding down. What I mean is, this month's BLF's are over. I can feel it. There are choices that you have to make in order to keep yourself sane, especially if you are the furthest away from everyone else and have the last class of the year (10th grade, Friday, 7th period, June 30th). And when things at site are depressing (at the moment), and things at home are the same way, you need all the things that can keep you in contact with the people that you love (family and volunteers). Well, that is the internet my friends. And a phone. And well....I have neither at the moment. I think Cory Olson put it best. No internet + no phone = village life. This is not the first time that this has happened to me. But with all the emotions I'm going through right now, and all the depressing things that have happened....it's a lot harder to go without one or the other. Out of everyone who has internet in the village (and it's quite a lot more than I thought), I was the only one, the only cable, the only router, the only apartment to have had all these aformentioned things break, kaput, dead, during that horrible summer storm that woke me up in the middle of the night, which by the way, also broke my window, my new window. I have always seen myself as a resilient person, able to bring myself out of the darkest hole, the abyss of life. For the past 4 days, I have been in an abyss. And today, I couldn't stand it anymore. I went to Vidin and allowed myself to get ripped off once again by the internet company for I was too tired to argue with them. For me, internet is a lifesource in the village. It's ironic how villagers, who often have less money than city folks, have to pay a significant amount more money for what has become necessities in life in today's age. I am never one to miss out on big get-togethers, but for once, I chose to hermit and be sane, rather than celebrate at the beach with my lovely fellow volunteers. For this I am deeply sorry. The phrase "there has got to be a better way" is a fallacy for me right now. Life is a catch 22. I have lost my resilient self. Perhaps I can get that back during my third year? Shte vidime.